Have you ever had a non-sensical, very violent dream about something that either was never a big issue in reality, or it happened so long a go that you got over it years ago? I did last night…about my family.
A little background: as far as family issues go, I have been very fortunate that my childhood was very boring when it came to troubles between me and family members. Our fighting and issues never escalated over yelling and the occasional punishment. However, growing up, I was not the closest with my mother and brother. As an older adolescent/ young teen, I loved them, but also tended to really dislike them. My brother is four years younger than me; there was just enough age difference between us that we had little in common, but not enough that we could ignore each other, it also didn’t help that my brother naturally liked to push other people’s buttons, and I easily get annoyed. During this time, my mother was going through menopause as I was entering puberty, this can sum up about 95% of the reasons we fought.
I’m now entering my mid-twenties, my mother is now past the hormonal stages of her life, and my brother has grown into a much kinder, self-aware person (he even admits what a snot he had been as a kid and has apologized several times.) All has been forgiven and forgotten.
That’s why I was a bit shocked when my subconscious chose to dive into ancient family conflicts and create a violent dream of anger and assault.
The dream started off in my parent’s neighbor’s basement den. Our close family friends used to live there, but moved out several years ago, though in the dream they were still living there. We were celebrating Christmas; laughing, swapping gifts, and generally having a good time. At some point my brother starts jokingly poking me. At first I laugh and playfully swat him away, but he doesn’t stop. With each persistent poke, I become more annoyed, and he starts to shrink. As he pokes me, he gets younger and younger, rapidly turning into the little monster that irked me so much as a kid. The younger he got, the angrier I became…the more he popped my bubble.
One of his notorious acts as a child was being in my personal space; grabbing my arm, clinging, poking, creating an uncomfortable closeness that would be seen as creepy/inappropriate if he hadn’t been a small child. There was no deviation from this in my dream. In reality, I would push him away, even going as far as to smack him upside the head when he wouldn’t let up (I’m not pretending that I was 100% innocent in our childhood quarrels.) In my dream, though, my anger boiled over and I began beating the absolute stuffing out of him. I don’t mean a few punches, I mean I beat him to a bloody pulp. Instead of crying or passing out, he would just keep laughing at me — a gory, laughing mess. He was like an immortal monster that was hellbent on bothering me until I died or completely lost my mind.
To top it all of, my mother stepped up and yelled at me for hitting my brother, insisting that my brother loved me and was just showing me affection. I called my mother everything under the sun, calling out obvious favoritism and insisting that I shouldn’t be touched if I didn’t want to be. The things I said to my dream mother are things that I would never repeat in the waking world, they were just as brutal as my gory, almost zombie-like brother.
I fled the neighbor’s basement to my childhood home, looking for anything that could destroy the evil monster that was my brother. I even went as far to grab a gun to shoot him. No matter what I did to destroy him, he would just shrug it off, unaffected by bullets and other weapons.
The dream ended with me running as fast as I could, for as long as I could. I spent the rest of my dream hiding from my brother. I woke up with boiling anger and confusion. As I have already said; my brother may have been a butt as a little kid, and I may have had more than a few arguments with my mother, but my childhood had been a happy (although boring) one. It surprised me that issues that had happened years and years ago were suddenly amplified in my dream with little to no instigation from either of them in reality: I am on good terms with both of them. I wonder why the subconscious likes to dig up things that has little to no relevance to my current life.
Dream Score: 2/10. Horrible. I never want to feel that angry again. At least it didn’t include giant tsunamis or explosions.