Sneaking through Ellen DeGeneres’ Home & Saving Christmas

So, Friday night, I had some perfectly wild dreams.

Dream 1: The dream starts off with R and I looking at an apartment within Ellen DeGeneres’ home. (Apparently Ellen needed some extra cash and was willing to rent parts of her home out to strangers.) Anyways, we were touring this beautiful, one bedroom space with a beautiful bathroom, kitchen and living area, but it was all set up like a studio. Ellen had stepped out of the apartment space for a personal phone call, leaving us alone in the apartment.

I got the great idea to poke around outside of the apartment space and snuck out when R was checking out the bathroom. Ellen’s house was a maze of corridors full of doors that lead to rooms that had no earthly reason to be next to each other. For example, there was a large pool room next to a walk-in meat locker, next to a large library. (This theme of bazaar room arrangements, is something very common in my dreams.) Then I stumbled upon the master bedroom, which had an amazing walk-in closet that was full of exotic looking fur coats. Curious, I walked into the closet. Not wanting to ruin anything, I tried my hardest to avoid touching any of the coats. Unfortunately, I accidentally brushed up against one of the coats and set off an alarm.

Scared, I ran out of the master bedroom to find a place to hide. I run into a nearby room that looks like a giant workshop. It’s full of long wooden tables and benches that were under piles of stuff. It looked like a giant indoor garage sale. I hid under one of the tables, trying to push the bench underneath it out of the way. I settle in my spot, trying to wait out the possible punishment for sneaking into place I wasn’t invited into. Just as I was becoming confident in my hiding place, I nearly jump out of my skin when I see Ellen DeGeneres’ face peering down at me from the other side of the table like a FNAF jump scare. Jeezus, Ellen!

I found you!

Dream Score: 5/10. It was a beautiful (albeit strange) home. But that ending though…

Dream 2: Apparently, this little jump scare was not enough to wake me up, but enough to make me forget the rest of that dream and suddenly come to awareness int the middle of a new one. In this dream, Santa had gone missing and I had found his sleigh and was trying to deliver toys to the entire world.

The worst part of the dream was controlling the sleigh. It was like trying to operate a glitchy game; turning was near impossible, the reindeer either flew way too high or too low, and there was literally a operating system on the dash of the sleigh the recorded points per delivery based on time and efficiency.

The second hardest part was returning to the North Poll. The tundra was freezing and hard to see through. I finally ended up crashing into a wooden fence in the middle of the Arctic.

Ho Ho …shhiitt.

Annoyed, and sick of trying to drive a sleigh of flying animals, I said “F**k this, I’m going home.” Then I woke up.

Score: 2/10. Cold and far too much work only to crash in the middle of nowhere and never actually see the North Poll. I’m still a bit bitter about it.


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