An Ugly Situation


I had a some short dreams last night that were peppered with my insecurities.

Dream 1: I was in a dance studio, dancing ballet with several other girls. We all wore crop tops and leggings as we danced and stretched our legs on the horizontal bar. All the other girls were slim and trim, able to dance while appearing beautiful. I, however, kept focusing on my stomach. My gut hung over my leggings and it jiggled as I twirled. I panicked, wondering why my stomach was still so big after all the exercise and calorie counting that I had been doing. As I danced, my stomach seemed to acquire more flab. I cried, and stopped dancing. The tears continued flowing down my cheeks as I continued to watch the other girls as they gracefully swept across the dance floor.  

Dream Score: 1/10. In reality, I have been trying to lose at least 20 pounds, and it has been very slow progress despite diet changes and increased exercise. Thanks for amplifying my failures, subconscious.


Dream 2: I was at some sort of small art gathering. I doodled on a piece of paper while ogling other artists near me. I looked up to see a man in front of me. He was overweight and had strawberry blond hair. He wore a plane, light-colored shirt and jeans. The man sat down at the other side of the table.

“I’m here to tell you that you have won third prize in the artist fanart contest. I glance at the paper he had placed on the table. It was a copy of a drawing I have done in reality. The vibrant, shimmering pigment of the gel pens I had used to color it shined so realistically in the light, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the dream piece and the one I actually drew.

I was surprised; I am no artist, I am a doodler. My skills are limited to rudimentary cartoon styles. This one was one of my better works, though, so I was happy.

Just as I was about to receive my ribbon/prize/whatever, another man came into view. He yelled at the judge, saying that his work deserved to be placed, and that I shouldn’t have been put in placement because my art was far inferior to the rest of the competitors. I watched the two argue for a few minutes before I got up, took the copy of my drawing, and walked away.

Score: 2/10. Again, why such a negative dream? Well, at least it is a reminder that I need to keep practicing.



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